Rooster Cogburn The One-Eyed Kitty Cat

I’m a magnet for homeless animals I think I need. Remember the Bert (the Beta), Koda and Kaiser (the shepherds), My three Rotties, Doc Holiday (cat), Koman (cat), Soupy Jones (cat), Sage (shepherd), Atlas (white shepherd). Yea. Its happening again except this one is, Rooster Cogburn the One-Eyed Kitty Cat.

Oh did we mention a boytoy MUST LOVE ANIMALS. She has an endless supply. If they ever become a nurse you're screwed buddy. Hope ya like kids and elderly people because if it’ll fit in her backseat it's coming home.

Rooster was a stray cat that a wonderful lady brought into the clinic because she had noticed that his eye was bothering him. (She feeds strays.) The eye had to be surgically removed. This requires for the cat to be kept indoors for the remainder of his life. Well I spent a few nights with the cat, falling in love with the bastard. He was SO sweet despite having lost an eye. The lady wanted to find him a good home. So I needed to ask Elmer Fudd what he thought.

Now it’s a Kalon’s duty to make her boytoy feel that his opinion matters. It doesn’t in the big scheme of things but hey, if he thinks you’ve considered his views its half the problem. BUT a boytoy should keep in mind, “No.” isn’t the answer to give.

So I asked Elmer Fudd that morning after work. Our text message conversation last almost 12 hours and went about like this:
Me: Can I have a one eyed cat?
Elmer: No hell no

Excuse me? Wrong answer.

Me: :O
Elmer: No
Me: But Elmooor…
Elmer: Nope
Me: Wont you come meet him first?
Elmer: No
Me: :(
Elmer: No more cats
Me: But he’s an older cat, come on.
Me: We had to remove his eye.
Me: Fine.

He stayed strong all day, then we were discussing naming our latest Rottweiler and I wanted to name him “No Wyatt Lee”. Elmer’s response was minus the ‘No’.

Me: Imma bout sick of you sayin, ‘No’ shiz.
No response.
Me: If I bring the cat home are we divorcing before we are married?
Elmer: Yup
Me: This isn’t fair you get to keep your dick friend.
Elmer: No cats!
Me: Pleeeeease!!! If you love me?!?!?!

He pulls this shit with her ALL the time!

Me: Don’t do this to me. I’m too good to you for you to do this to me! :((((((((( Please o please!
Elmer: I’ll shoots it
Me: Why are you so horrible to me?
Elmer: I’m not!!!
Me: I want him!
Me: Elmer… PLEASE! I love you…
Elmer: Whatever

Me: haha fine… I wont take him home. I’m just being a turd. And you know it. But I AM going to remember you telling me, ‘No’.
Elmer: Y?
Me: bc I never tell you no!
Elmer: haha
Me: I do now so NO whining
Elmer: haha
Me: Cause that’s bullspit.
Me: Umm boyfriend. Since you wont let me have this cat I’ve waited my entire life for… AND youre too busy to pay me attention. How are you going to make this better?
Elmer: This better?
Me: Um yes… I’m feeling pretty neglected.
Elmer: haha shut it!!!
Me: :O
Me: I don’t like being told, ‘NO!’
Elmer: I don’t want cats!?
Me: I love all animals you knew this before getting into it. I will always have a cat.
Me: If I’m giving that up what is Elmer giving up? I’m not here to accommodate you… I think you could let me have him.
Elmer: Okay then.
Me: Okay then what?

And here it comes… He cracks!

Elmer: U can get him
Me: Oh I don’t want him :)))

They are shits.

He didn’t say anything else about the cat, but I brought him home yesterday! It took me all day but he finally said yes! My mom was impressed it almost took 24 hours.

A Kalon is going to get her way nine times out of ten. She will go to whatever lengths she may need in order to persuade a boytoy into agreeing with her. She’s got magical powers. Powers a boytoy will never understand!

Type: Perfect.

By now you've probably realized tall dark and handsome with a name like Prince Charming... Has NEVER been on my dating list. I've had my own version but nothing like the fairy tales.

"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true." -Grey's Anatomy

A Kalon doesn't expect perfection initially. She isn't PERFECT. She wants HER perfect, mind you.

Perfect is how we are perceived by another person, not a classification or a guideline to follow. If I teach you ladies ANYTHING, it's to be THE girl. Don't fall into being a classification. Be someone special's PERFECT.

Perfect contains many characteristics, traits, personalities, talents... (this may be my longest post yet!)

First and foremost, he's my BEST FRIEND and I TRUST him with my life. He is HONEST. He APPRECIATES me and the things I do for him. He LOVES me for me, he doesn't try to change me.

It wouldn't work anyhow. This is how they are.

No SMOKING. PATIENCE is a virtue.

A must, dating them.

He TRUSTS in GOD and the BIBLE. He keeps me HAPPY. He loves the many ANIMALS I bring home. He owns a pair of BOOTS and WEARS them. He SADDLES his own horse. He drives a TRUCK. He makes PLANS for us. He's SWEET without needing to be reminded, all the time. He buys me DAISIES and ONLY DAISES.

They are all that's acceptable.

He's OPEN MINDED and GROUNDED. He cherishes FAMILY and having OUR own. I love his FAMILY, they are COMFORTABLE to me. TIMING is precedence. He keeps good HYGIENE.

Some of them didn’t brush their teeth. *Cough,cough* The Lesson.

He LEARNS from his mistakes. He has his OWN hobbies however, so he doesn’t get on my NERVES. He thinks I’m CUTE when I get angry, cuss, and yell. He loves to WRESTLE with me in a totally NON SEXUAL way. He puts my NEEDS before his. His WORK ETHIC is admirable. He TAKES EXTRA CARE of me when I’m sickly. SURPRISES he’s best at. He PUTS UP with all my shit, moods, ridiculous ideas, and even temper tantrums. He knows I want a BIG HUGE DIAMOND one day! Oh, and he knows we will ELOPE!

She can dream. She doesn’t want much because most of this should come naturally, but she’s got an idea of what she wants.

Hey, it’s a start!

Must NOT Be Sensitive

I’m an asshole. I don’t mean to be sometimes, but I say things that maybe I don’t mean, EXACTLY, the way they sound. Making boys cry is a hobby of mine, not an intentional hobby of course but a hobby. Really hateful things I remember saying:
(Remember she didn’t MEAN this the way its going to sound. Circumstantial.)

• “I can’t even stand to look at you anymore.”

• “ I really just wasn’t sure I wanted to date you, but I am now.”

• “ Believe me, I'm not dating you for you're looks.”

• “I don’t remember.” :) (there’s an elaborate story behind this)

• “I’m sick of your shit.”

• “What? What ARE you doing? Get out of my car. You can walk from here.”

• “You’re an idiot.”

• “I chose to give up the perfect situation and date you.”

• “You’re welcome to find a new girlfriend who can better put up with you shit, if youd like.”

• “Do me a favor: Fuck off and leave me alone. Oh, with love.”

• Boytoy, “Did you learn anything?” Kalon,” Yea, I learned how to hide my shit better.”

• Boytoy,” Do you feel bad? Kalon, “Should I?

• “I’m sorry for the things I said, but they WERE true… Weren’t they?”

• Boytoy, “You don’t even act like you’re sorry.” Me,” Oh, should I cry or something?”

• Boytoy, "I had to talk to her. She talked me out of almost killing myself after you left." Me, "Damn. You almost did us both a favor."
  

Did we mention a Kalon is sometimes a handful? She’s honest. There wont be a shitty thing a boytoy doesn’t do that she wont tell him about at SOME point. Might not be immediately because she’s trying to forget it and give him the benefit of the doubt, but later something will piss her off. She’ll tell you about it.

Let’s get something straight before all my readers start thinking I’m some big bitch that eats boytoys. I usually don’t act like this unless I have a reason. I'm pretty patient, and I put myself through a lot of shit sometimes to make a bond. Granted not every boytoy has been about flowering some I dated in spite of a retired BT. Hey, we’ve all done it. But there are many circumstances I've been put through. So I make sure my boytoys dont get away with shit.

Boytoys begin to think they can fuck around on you or flirt with danger. A-Kalon's got two options A Risk and A Safety.

Mommy Dearest

If you love their Mother hold on to them darlin’! Or, better yet, if their Mommy loves YOU, girl… This is sealed with a kiss.

Here’s my Mommy Dearest history over the years. I was always that cute little girl Mommy’s loved! Thanks to The Lesson all that shit changed, and I was no longer a cute little girl. I was the, “You need to stay away from her. She’s been around the block a time or twelve” girl. WTF?!?! That was seriously said about me by a lovely bitch of a mother. Don’t get me wrong they haven’t all been bad some worse than others. I can describe them all briefly, some in one word.
The Lesson’s: She will always be my control. She is an absolutely amazing person, hands down.
The Wanna Be’s: Liked me NOT dating her son.
The Lawyer’s: She was weird, but no need for us to know one another.
The Woulda Been: She will never understand why her son loved me. She didn’t get it.
Mr. PBR’s: I wanna keep her… Can I keep her?
The Snake’s: I never met her nor saw her.
The Jock’s: She has seen me naked… Don’t get excited. She kept me as a baby.
The Guess': His mom got loud, in a hurry.
The Virgin's: A super nice lady. Not worth befriending.
The Roman God’s: Another no need to know me. She was a nice lady. Let us party at her house provided minors with alcohol.
The Quiet One’s: Bitch loathed me. Hated the fucking ground I walked on. She was ugly and had no ass.
USTRC: She’s a sweet heart. I like her I could even learn to love her. J

You gotta get used to them. Like it or not they are a part of your life and they have more pull than you do when it comes to their baby boy. You are the Waterboy’s devil. You gotta find your place. Mother’s are what makes this world go round and we, as Kalon’s, become as close to a daughter as allowed. And you will flash that smile every chance you get. Be a kiss ass… but not too fake find the happy medium. Be honest. Be you. A-Kalon is charming and has impeccable timing. Find a fitting family and the rest is history.