Warning Label

Most everything, these days, comes with some type of warning label. May it be something as big as a vehicle to as small as a hot wheel. It comes with a warning label. So, it should be no surprise that a-Kalon comes with a warning label.

Right? She doesn't.

No female in this world comes with a damn warning label. Only the generalization that boytoys have given women of this world. A-Kalon is so stupidly placed into this category by a boytoy who hasn't the slightest clue to what he's persueing until she's, we quote, "eaten your soul".

You can't treat her last your last thing you kept around mainly because YOU were keeping HER. A-Kalon's choosing to keep you around buddy. You wanna dilly-dally around and lose her, hey, that's your own business. Don't let us tell you otherwise because a-Kalon knows better, SHE keeps better. Unfortunately, you are NOT as amazing as you may seem to think, and a-Kalon has more power than you'd like to admit.

Sad day. We know.

A-Kalon is NOT other girls. We aren't sure how many times its gonna take. If you've got to repeat it or say it with us a loud multiple times. But, boytoy, you better start figuring it out, in a HURRAY!

She makes mean look nice. And hateful, oh we are so sorry she's hateful. But somebody along the way taught her to be that way. Clearly, you've done something to teach her she needs to be hateful to you. Sometimes she's hateful because all else has failed. She's tried nice and sweet. She's tried not saying a word. She probably even tried talking it out. This just means you were too stupid to see the WARNING SIGNS. Which also, in turn, tells us you screwed up early buddy.

Does this mean you've ruined it? Probably. We can't know for sure.

Attn: Boytoys

Attn: All Boytoys

I found this while reading Glamour magazine. They had an article on Things to Put You in a Good Mood Fast... I was in desperate need of this due to many factors in my life. Elmer Fudd being one of them. Poor stupid boytoy. Now with my current, situations, this joke was perfect.

A married couple in their early sixties were celebrating their fortieth wedding anniversary in a romantic restaurant. Suddenly, a fairy godmother appeared. She said, " For being such an exemplary married couple, I will grant you each a wish." The wife answered, "I want to travel around the world with my darling husband." The fairy waved her magic wand and poof!- two tickets for the Queen Mary 2 appeared. The husband thought for a moment, and then said, "Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry, sweetheart, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me." The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!- the husband became 92 years old. The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful should remember fairy godmothers are female.

haha!

Ok so in honor of Valentine's Day and my civil duty as a-Kalon I must throw a boytoy a bone.

Boytoy's Bone

Rooster Cogburn The One-Eyed Kitty Cat

I’m a magnet for homeless animals I think I need. Remember the Bert (the Beta), Koda and Kaiser (the shepherds), My three Rotties, Doc Holiday (cat), Koman (cat), Soupy Jones (cat), Sage (shepherd), Atlas (white shepherd). Yea. Its happening again except this one is, Rooster Cogburn the One-Eyed Kitty Cat.

Oh did we mention a boytoy MUST LOVE ANIMALS. She has an endless supply. If they ever become a nurse you're screwed buddy. Hope ya like kids and elderly people because if it’ll fit in her backseat it's coming home.

Rooster was a stray cat that a wonderful lady brought into the clinic because she had noticed that his eye was bothering him. (She feeds strays.) The eye had to be surgically removed. This requires for the cat to be kept indoors for the remainder of his life. Well I spent a few nights with the cat, falling in love with the bastard. He was SO sweet despite having lost an eye. The lady wanted to find him a good home. So I needed to ask Elmer Fudd what he thought.

Now it’s a Kalon’s duty to make her boytoy feel that his opinion matters. It doesn’t in the big scheme of things but hey, if he thinks you’ve considered his views its half the problem. BUT a boytoy should keep in mind, “No.” isn’t the answer to give.

So I asked Elmer Fudd that morning after work. Our text message conversation last almost 12 hours and went about like this:
Me: Can I have a one eyed cat?
Elmer: No hell no

Excuse me? Wrong answer.

Me: :O
Elmer: No
Me: But Elmooor…
Elmer: Nope
Me: Wont you come meet him first?
Elmer: No
Me: :(
Elmer: No more cats
Me: But he’s an older cat, come on.
Me: We had to remove his eye.
Me: Fine.

He stayed strong all day, then we were discussing naming our latest Rottweiler and I wanted to name him “No Wyatt Lee”. Elmer’s response was minus the ‘No’.

Me: Imma bout sick of you sayin, ‘No’ shiz.
No response.
Me: If I bring the cat home are we divorcing before we are married?
Elmer: Yup
Me: This isn’t fair you get to keep your dick friend.
Elmer: No cats!
Me: Pleeeeease!!! If you love me?!?!?!

He pulls this shit with her ALL the time!

Me: Don’t do this to me. I’m too good to you for you to do this to me! :((((((((( Please o please!
Elmer: I’ll shoots it
Me: Why are you so horrible to me?
Elmer: I’m not!!!
Me: I want him!
Me: Elmer… PLEASE! I love you…
Elmer: Whatever

Me: haha fine… I wont take him home. I’m just being a turd. And you know it. But I AM going to remember you telling me, ‘No’.
Elmer: Y?
Me: bc I never tell you no!
Elmer: haha
Me: I do now so NO whining
Elmer: haha
Me: Cause that’s bullspit.
Me: Umm boyfriend. Since you wont let me have this cat I’ve waited my entire life for… AND youre too busy to pay me attention. How are you going to make this better?
Elmer: This better?
Me: Um yes… I’m feeling pretty neglected.
Elmer: haha shut it!!!
Me: :O
Me: I don’t like being told, ‘NO!’
Elmer: I don’t want cats!?
Me: I love all animals you knew this before getting into it. I will always have a cat.
Me: If I’m giving that up what is Elmer giving up? I’m not here to accommodate you… I think you could let me have him.
Elmer: Okay then.
Me: Okay then what?

And here it comes… He cracks!

Elmer: U can get him
Me: Oh I don’t want him :)))

They are shits.

He didn’t say anything else about the cat, but I brought him home yesterday! It took me all day but he finally said yes! My mom was impressed it almost took 24 hours.

A Kalon is going to get her way nine times out of ten. She will go to whatever lengths she may need in order to persuade a boytoy into agreeing with her. She’s got magical powers. Powers a boytoy will never understand!

Type: Perfect.

By now you've probably realized tall dark and handsome with a name like Prince Charming... Has NEVER been on my dating list. I've had my own version but nothing like the fairy tales.

"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true." -Grey's Anatomy

A Kalon doesn't expect perfection initially. She isn't PERFECT. She wants HER perfect, mind you.

Perfect is how we are perceived by another person, not a classification or a guideline to follow. If I teach you ladies ANYTHING, it's to be THE girl. Don't fall into being a classification. Be someone special's PERFECT.

Perfect contains many characteristics, traits, personalities, talents... (this may be my longest post yet!)

First and foremost, he's my BEST FRIEND and I TRUST him with my life. He is HONEST. He APPRECIATES me and the things I do for him. He LOVES me for me, he doesn't try to change me.

It wouldn't work anyhow. This is how they are.

No SMOKING. PATIENCE is a virtue.

A must, dating them.

He TRUSTS in GOD and the BIBLE. He keeps me HAPPY. He loves the many ANIMALS I bring home. He owns a pair of BOOTS and WEARS them. He SADDLES his own horse. He drives a TRUCK. He makes PLANS for us. He's SWEET without needing to be reminded, all the time. He buys me DAISIES and ONLY DAISES.

They are all that's acceptable.

He's OPEN MINDED and GROUNDED. He cherishes FAMILY and having OUR own. I love his FAMILY, they are COMFORTABLE to me. TIMING is precedence. He keeps good HYGIENE.

Some of them didn’t brush their teeth. *Cough,cough* The Lesson.

He LEARNS from his mistakes. He has his OWN hobbies however, so he doesn’t get on my NERVES. He thinks I’m CUTE when I get angry, cuss, and yell. He loves to WRESTLE with me in a totally NON SEXUAL way. He puts my NEEDS before his. His WORK ETHIC is admirable. He TAKES EXTRA CARE of me when I’m sickly. SURPRISES he’s best at. He PUTS UP with all my shit, moods, ridiculous ideas, and even temper tantrums. He knows I want a BIG HUGE DIAMOND one day! Oh, and he knows we will ELOPE!

She can dream. She doesn’t want much because most of this should come naturally, but she’s got an idea of what she wants.

Hey, it’s a start!

Must NOT Be Sensitive

I’m an asshole. I don’t mean to be sometimes, but I say things that maybe I don’t mean, EXACTLY, the way they sound. Making boys cry is a hobby of mine, not an intentional hobby of course but a hobby. Really hateful things I remember saying:
(Remember she didn’t MEAN this the way its going to sound. Circumstantial.)

• “I can’t even stand to look at you anymore.”

• “ I really just wasn’t sure I wanted to date you, but I am now.”

• “ Believe me, I'm not dating you for you're looks.”

• “I don’t remember.” :) (there’s an elaborate story behind this)

• “I’m sick of your shit.”

• “What? What ARE you doing? Get out of my car. You can walk from here.”

• “You’re an idiot.”

• “I chose to give up the perfect situation and date you.”

• “You’re welcome to find a new girlfriend who can better put up with you shit, if youd like.”

• “Do me a favor: Fuck off and leave me alone. Oh, with love.”

• Boytoy, “Did you learn anything?” Kalon,” Yea, I learned how to hide my shit better.”

• Boytoy,” Do you feel bad? Kalon, “Should I?

• “I’m sorry for the things I said, but they WERE true… Weren’t they?”

• Boytoy, “You don’t even act like you’re sorry.” Me,” Oh, should I cry or something?”

• Boytoy, "I had to talk to her. She talked me out of almost killing myself after you left." Me, "Damn. You almost did us both a favor."
  

Did we mention a Kalon is sometimes a handful? She’s honest. There wont be a shitty thing a boytoy doesn’t do that she wont tell him about at SOME point. Might not be immediately because she’s trying to forget it and give him the benefit of the doubt, but later something will piss her off. She’ll tell you about it.

Let’s get something straight before all my readers start thinking I’m some big bitch that eats boytoys. I usually don’t act like this unless I have a reason. I'm pretty patient, and I put myself through a lot of shit sometimes to make a bond. Granted not every boytoy has been about flowering some I dated in spite of a retired BT. Hey, we’ve all done it. But there are many circumstances I've been put through. So I make sure my boytoys dont get away with shit.

Boytoys begin to think they can fuck around on you or flirt with danger. A-Kalon's got two options A Risk and A Safety.