Friday, December 10, 2010

Theology of Thongs

(Note to reader: This is pre- a Kalon. She was just learning and being sculpted. Only later is she manipulating and perfecting. The following are of her "becoming". So DO NOT take notes. Actually take notes, of what NOT to do, that'd be good.)

RRRRRIP! "You've GOT to be F****** kidding me..." I can remember saying a tad too loud for my pews comfort.

A- Kalon shouldn't swear during sermons. Godly people don't really appreciate it.


Hey! I dont think the Goldly people's boytoy was trying to butter them up during prayer either. I was so desperately trying to keep The Lesson OUT of my pants, I SWEAR!

There she goes again.

I remember it almost like it was a week ago. I had a nice little innocent g-string on my behind right up my ass crack. I'd worn it to avoid hideous panty lines that The Lesson was trying to get his grubby little paws on. I had been preaching, "NO" more than the Preacher was talking about God and Jesus. Finally he hooked a claw around my thin little string and the ridiculous happened. As if God were punishing ME... an innocent girl... ME!?!?!?! Why not The Lesson? Make that ass crack seam bust when he sits down. Hell trip him! He WAS the one fishing for my undies all morning! Being quite persistent might I add.

All you Kalon's in training dont let a guy be a pest. Grab that fly swatter and smash that bug sweetie. We promise, there are more. MANY more, a lot less of a pain in the ass. Some could argue it was the LACK of maturity others, he was flirting, some would tell you he WAS indeed being an ass. Don't be a dumb bitch. He was out of line.
1. His hand was in your pants
2. He would NOT take 'no' for an answer
3. He didn't stop until they broke
4. CHURCH!

The Lesson was out of line MOST of our relationship but like I said previously he "created" me whether it be testing my temper or pushing my flowering limits. Church was not the only time he broke my underwear.

In our school the band hall had couches. I was an early bird, always solidifying my spot on the couch which indirectly benefited my, not so early bird, boytoy. For the sake this story could go on and on the bastard broke my damn undies… AGAIN! Now, atleast at church I went home immediately after. This was first period people!!! And this was no tiny dainty g-string, this was a regular! Oh, I was furious!

Kick that bastard to the curb already. No man in this entire world should be so aggressive he’s breaking your underwear in a public place, much less at all, after you are enforcing a ‘NO’. A Italicno so strong underwear are RIPPING! This is NOT hot, sexy, and adorable. This is rough, man handling, and flat out disrespectful! Bastard be gone.